What the f**k is BTS anyway?

That’s the question I set out to investigate about two weeks ago. It’s been a wild ride, let me tell you…

Full disclosure: I cuss a lot sometimes. I am not young…more middle aged, and my favorite band is Tool. Doesn’t seem like an ideal combination for the BTS bandwagon, but there you go.

I am, and have been for several years, aware of a phenomenon called BTS ARMY. I didn’t know until recently that it’s an army of fans of the musical group known as BTS. What I did know is that they are fierce, smart, and they can organize like it’s going out of style. They were truly impressive when all the BLM stuff was happening. (It’s still happening, it’s just not on the news anymore.) They put in their two cents regarding Me too (also still happening), and they got several assholes kicked off twitter at the very least. I have the utmost respect for the ARMY. You guys rock.

I have lots of questions, so I’m going to do this blog for as many days as I can think of questions.

The first order of business is What is it anyway?

I kept hearing BTS and Butter. It was in all the papers. It comes up on google searches where they show you news. I asked my daughter, who is much cooler than I am, “What’s BTS?” She said, “It’s a KPop band.” That didn’t really help because I don’t even know what KPop is. Eventually she told me they are a boy band from Korea. Ok, I can work with that. I have lots of experience with Boy bands because I raised two daughters. Boy bands can be entertaining, although the only one I really cared for was 1D. Backstreet Boys were ok, didn’t like NSync or the other ones. Anyway, I decide to open you tube and find out what BTS is.

I typed in Butter BTS and here’s what I got.

Ok, cool. Korean boy band. They’re cute, they’re boys, they sing and dance, hell they even rap. Nice. And that woulda been it except there were about a billion recommended videos and I just happened to click on this one:


Ok this changes everything.

I was confused, I have to admit. Mic Drop is amazing. I don’t even like Rap and I thought it was amazing. They dance cool, they combine the rap and singing parts really well and they have great attitude. So that got me wondering, why did they change it? I mean, is pop really all that much more sellable? Apparently, but the answer was even weirder.

Like, I haven’t really gone all the way back to their very beginning so I can’t say anything with certainty. But it seems like they’ve been doing rap, and melodious and whatever else they feel like doing… the whole time. That doesn’t happen very often.

As a Tool fan, I must confess that my very favorite thing about them is they are sarcastic assholes. I mean that in the nicest possible way. They make me laugh. They are also excellent musicians, and Maynard can really sing. But mostly I like them cause they make me think.

Ok, so watch this with lyrics attached…

The words aren’t quite synched with the video but it’s pretty close and you get the idea. I laughed and laughed. Good one guys.

So I spent several days in the youtube rabbit hole watching BTS and then I sheepishly told my daughter, “uh, can I show you something?”

I proceeded to fill her in with all my research and my conclusion that BTS is in fact Korean but they are definitely not a boy band. They are amazing.


Song of the Day

So I was talking to my best friend about having a full brain. It’s sort of my brand of crazy. There’s so much in there that things just spill out, more specifically, songs. Every day I have some weird song stuck in my head and I don’t know why my brain picks these songs.

We talked about it a bit and it turns out she has the same problem. We both said at the same time that we should try and keep track of these things. Maybe my brain is trying to tell me something.

Yesterday the song was “High Hopes”. Specifically the song from the 50’s, not the more recent one. I didn’t even realize there was a more recent one until I was talking to my daughter and she told me. It’s by Panic! at the Disco. She even sang a bit for me and I was like ohhhh yeah. That ones better. I got the one that I remember from Laverne & Shirley.

Until today. Today’s song was Panic! at the Disco’s song. They’re totally different, it’s not a cover. This song is better but it’s not very original for my brain to pick that one. I still don’t understand why I get these random songs. I don’t even like a lot of them. Sometimes they’re just jingles from commercials. Anyway, I’m going to try to keep track of the song of the day here.

Brains are weird.

2am blues

I have always had that phrase in my head, ‘It’s 2 o’clock in the morning and no one cares.’ I don’t see it as depressive these days, but it can get kind of lonely.

I get backwards on a fairly regular basis. It’s annoying. I will get on a good sleep schedule, like 10pm to 6am, or something similar, and something always happens. Something keeps me up one night and then I sleep later and before I know it I’m sleeping from 10am to 6pm. I hate it.

I just don’t know what to do with myself during these times. I should be writing, but the more I think I should the harder it gets to just do it. It’s like I’m waiting for something. Some piece of it to take me and just sweep me off. It happens sometimes, but not very often. It’s wonderful and magical when an idea or just a thought or something you see can grab you by the creative hand and pull you along. I live for those times.

Most times are like this though. Where I struggle to remember what it is I thought I was about calling myself a writer. My pain management therapist told me to write everyday. Just for 5 minutes. No problem, I thought. I can handle 5 minutes. I even have a stopwatch on my phone. I’ve got this.

Except she said to do it with a pad of paper and a pen. That puts a whole new dimension to the task doesn’t it? I can do it, I’ve done it several times. But it doesn’t stick in my head. Even though she gave me a trigger. As soon as you get up, whatever time, have your drink of water and sit down and write for 5 minutes. My ADD brain skips the step and I forget the whole thing. I had a soda today when I woke up, there’s no trigger to that.

My groove got warped today because the little one is sick and she is sleeping on the couch. The couch which is my domain at night. Her mom apologized. No apology needed. I can take the computer to my room and stare at it just as easily as I can from the couch. But because it messed up my whole flow, I had to think more. I got everything all set up and was ready to start staring when I realized I forgot the mouse. I’ve turned off the mousepad on this laptop because it bothers me to no end when my hand glides over it and moves my cursor to random places. So that meant I had to get up and go back into the living room to get the mouse. Then, since I can’t do anything in a normal way, I detoured to the garage to smoke (ick) and mess about on my phone for awhile. I remembered the mouse, but forgot the notebook and pen.

So, here I am, writing to all the imaginary people on the internet instead. I still don’t know what to do with myself in the middle of the night when I’m the only one awake…

Song of the Day 9.29

Today’s song is by one of my favorites, although what does it say about how I’m feeling?

I actually love this song, and the band. It’s ‘Weak and Powerless’, by A Perfect Circle (in case that doesn’t show up in the you tube box there).

I wanted to hear ‘Schism’ by Tool, but I guess this will do. My experiment to see if I could think of a song and have it play in my head seems like it doesn’t work. The experiment worked, just the results were not what I had hoped for. Although if I can make my internal DJ play what I want it’s not really the same, is it? I can actually get him to play things I want to hear but it doesn’t last, and the song he chose always comes back. There have been times where I’ve heard the same song for days, but that doesn’t happen very often.

This whole blog thing is actually an experiment. I created this page over a year ago so I could vent about how characters kind of try to take over the story and do stuff you don’t want or anticipate. I was very excited. I even paid extra to get someone to zoom with for instructions on how to work this site. Then I didn’t do anything. I mean, for a long time. I still wrote and still got mad at characters but I didn’t vent. I’m trying to work up to it.

Does that happen to all writers? Do all of us struggle with unruly characters and get lost staring at a blank screen trying to remember that perfect thought we had 10 minutes ago when we were in the car? I tend to write in my head a lot, there’s great dialog in there and some pretty intense scenes. Then I get to the computer and stare at it. They never say what they said before either. I struggle to remember that perfect turn of a phrase they used, or how to describe the look on their faces. I turn to my daughter a lot and say how do I describe ___ and make a face at her. Sometimes the faces I get back from her are priceless and I think, oh yeah, one of these characters is gonna use that….if I can figure out how to write it down.

So I decided to do this instead because somehow it’s less personal. I am not used to putting myself out there and this seemed like an easy baby step. I think a lot of people have music in their head, so it’s relatable. Or at least, maybe it’s entertaining. Maybe the musical choices of my inner DJ say something about me, but I’m not sure. He seems to have crap taste in music a lot of the time, but not today.

Song of the day 9.28

Yesterday’s post was dated wrong….oops.

Todays song is annoying as hell. It’s called ‘Old Town Road’, by Billy Ray Cyrus and Little Nas X. I probably spelled one of them wrong 🤷🏻‍♀️

It’s my own damn fault and that’s what makes it so aggravating. I asked my daughter if Little Nas X was any good. I had never heard anything by him but I see him all the time. The dude is everywhere. So she was kind enough to pull up the song on YouTube for me. I won’t punish you all that way.

It’s actually hard to tell what kind of a rapper he is. And I’m not a big fan of rap but there has been the occasional tune that was entertaining. I do know that I absolutely do NOT care for Billy Ray Cyrus so that wasn’t a shocker.

Just imagine, if there had been no fluke achey breaky heart there would be no Miley. What a lovely thought.

Song of the Day 9.26

The DJ in my head is an asshole. That’s how I know it’s a guy. He never listens. I mean, I know not all guys are assholes, but a lot of guys I know are assholes. So there you have it.

Yesterday I didn’t blog because I was irritated. Today the DJ didn’t change the tune, but added a couple. That’s not what I wanted. I wanted this song out of my head and something better as a replacement. I guess it’s not gonna happen until I write. I write all the time, but sometimes it’s in my head, which isn’t all that helpful because a) nothing is on the page and b) I feel like I’ve already said all this…

The song of the day is ‘Empty Chairs’ by frickin Don McLean. I don’t think it’s fair to have an artist repeat the next day. Especially an artist I have issues with. But here we go.

Empty Chairs is a pretty song, and it’s theoretically sad. Mr. McLean has a really lovely voice, but it doesn’t go with his actions so I have some issues. I don’t want to give my energy to someone like him. This song is also a stupid song and it illustrates a lot of what’s wrong with a lot of men. They don’t listen. Take the chorus for example: I wonder if you know….that I never understood….that although you said you’d go….I never thought you would.

Why? That’s my primary question for this chorus. Did you think she was too stupid to know her own mind or how she felt? Did you just dismiss what she said as background noise and grunt at her so she’d shut up about it? Maybe you thought you knew better?

There’s also this verse: Never thought the words you said were true….Never thought you said just what you meant….Never knew how much I needed you….Never thought you’d go, until you went. I mean, isn’t that just typical for this type of guy? What, she’s telling you she’s unhappy enough to leave you but you just blow it off thinking maybe she’s just messin with you? How stupid is that?

This song annoys the crap out of me. Mostly because when I was very young I thought it was such a sad and beautiful love song and it sucks when your memories are tarnished by people you admire turning out to be creepy assholes.

Another song that my DJ has been playing on repeat is ‘Shape of a Heart’, by Jackson Browne. Another person I admired as a kid who turned out to be a creepy asshole. He got away with it for a long time until the girlfriend he decided to beat also happened to be famous. How come we don’t listen to regular people? Why do they have to be famous to get our attention, or why does there have to be so many of them. Sometimes it just has to be horrifying I guess. This particular song talks about his girlfriends necklace and also about the home where they lived having holes in the wall from throwing things or punching the wall. At the end of the song, after he knows she’s really gone, he takes her necklace and puts it down one of the holes in the wall. It’s disgusting. Domestic violence is so insidious and so prevalent in our society. I mean, fabulously wealthy famous guys sing about it like it’s nothing.

Eventually my DJ relented and now I’m hearing “Some kinda Wonderful,” by Grand Funk Railroad. I’m afraid to find out if any of those guys were of the common asshole variety.

Song of the day 9.25

I think it’s called ‘Vincent’. Regardless it’s by Don McLean. You know the song….Starry starry night….paint your palette blue and grey….look out on a summers day….with eyes that know the darkness in my soul…

It’s a beautiful song. Sad but beautiful. It sort of took me by surprise today. I was ‘listening’ to it play in my head and sorta singing along when I realize oh yeah, blog.

I loved that song when I was younger. My brother had the album and I used to listen to it over and over when I babysat for him. It’s a nice memory.

That singer sure turned out to be not so great though. I’m always sad when I find out those things. People who’s art touches you so deeply and they turn out to be not so great. Jackson Browne is another one.

I always wonder why. I mean, we’ve all got demons we fight against. Why do some people turn violent? I guess I’ve had some violent moments myself, but they were because I felt provoked. Maybe that’s how it works for everyone. But I’ve never beaten the crap out of my girlfriend. Or my kids. I did get in a slap fight with an old boyfriend once, but he was about three times my size. I guess that doesn’t excuse it though.

My violence was always usually turned against myself or an inanimate object. I threw a log into a wall once, threw a few phones and screamed at eggs that stuck to the pan. I’ve had moments where I could almost understand how people took their anger out on someone else, but for the most part I stopped. I didn’t beat the kid, or the dog. That one boyfriend is the only person I’ve actually tried to beat up and I don’t apologize for it or feel guilty about it. I’m a little ashamed that I lost my temper that thoroughly, but he was an asshole and did worse to me several times, so whatever. It does offer some insight into how people lose it though.

I haven’t gotten that angry where I feel like I’m going to explode for years. It’s nicer to not feel that way. We all need to remember to surround ourselves with people who are on our side. I’m pretty much done with aggressive assholes who try to tell me what to do or how to think. I don’t mind people who disagree with me. That’s fine. We’re all entitled to our own opinions, but no one is entitled to force their opinions on anyone. That’s just not ok.

Anyway, we’re all tortured souls in some way. And you never know what another person is going through. Just don’t be an asshole.

Song of the day 9.24

Todays song is ‘Happier’ by Bastille. ‘If only for a minute, I want you to be happier, I want you to be happier’ 🎶. That seems like a cool song. I don’t know if it gets dark at all because this is the only part that’s playing in my head, but you can never tell with Bastille.

I like Bastille. I first heard them because of my daughter. After that they were all over the radio with that song Pompeii.

I’ve been exposed to all kinds of music by my kids and a lot of it is really good. Bastille, Snow Patrol, Eminem, Something Corporate, Brand New, Cobra Starship, Arctic Monkeys, The 1975, Marianas Trench, Olly Murs, Panic! At the Disco, Hozier. There’s more but that’s a beginning.

I don’t really listen to the radio because I hate the commercials and half the music so it’s really helpful to have kids playing music that is awesome. I love music. It’s soothing and fun and can make you happy, or sad, or curious, or scared. it’s just the best.

Song of the day 9.23

‘Nothing from nothing’ by Billy Preston is todays song. At least I think that’s what it’s called 🤔. That’s what he says over and over anyway.

I don’t care about this song either way. Never really liked it, never hated it. It’s just there. I guess that means, understandably, I got nothin.

I’m sorta feeling like a failure here with these songs. Maybe that’s the point of this one? They don’t really mean anything they’re just random snippets of tunes in my head.

I’ll have to think of something else to write trivial things about I guess. If my brain is trying to tell me something it’s not doing a very good job, or I’m not clever enough to figure it out.

Song of the day 9.22

I’ve spent the last few days sort of in a fog with no real music, just an annoying snippet droning over and over that I tried to ignore. But this morning I woke up hearing the Beatles birthday song 🤷🏻‍♀️. That morphed into ‘At Last’ by Etta James. I actually like but don’t know that song. Only the very first line, so I went over to Amazon music and listened to it. It’s pretty lovely.

That gives me hope that things are moving along and I’m gonna be ok. I mean, I know I’m gonna be ok but things have been in a sort of grey haze since Saturday, when my wonderful little Maltese died.

And now I’m crying again dammit.

I say my, but I really mean our. He was my daughters dog but she let me share him. He was almost 16 so he lived a long happy life and we enjoyed his company immensely. He was funny and cute and so very sweet. And it’s amazing what a huge empty space was left by a little 6 lb. ball of fluff. Sort of boggles the mind.

We recently got a huge overgrown puppy who I wanted to turn into a service dog but can’t afford to do it. She’s sweet and a good distraction. She misses him too though, and looks hopefully when we come walking into the room. We carried him around after we got her because we were afraid she might accidentally hurt him. She never did, but she liked to boop him with her nose a lot.

Anyway, there’s real music in my head again and it’s actually a relief. I miss the little guy a lot but I’m so very thankful we had him as long as we did. Now I just gotta figure out where to find another one that’s not a scam 🤔

Song of the day 9.18

Today’s song is ridiculous and I wish I could make it stop. I’m being harassed by the 60’s, and not even the good bits!

“Henry the VIII” by Herman’s Hermits. His song should be illegal, just like ‘The song that never ends.’ What were they thinking? I guess that they needed a catchy tune that would get stuck in peoples heads.

Mission accomplished guys.